wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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