he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
