The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
