we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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