Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
