She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize