just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Randomize
