Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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