alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
