I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
