put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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