Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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