Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
