smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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