I'm going to jail i love you
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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