i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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