I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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