Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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