Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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