Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
