does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
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When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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