I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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