You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
