...so i touched it.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
