What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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