so let's talk penis.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
