My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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