for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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