He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
