They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize