Well douche your snatch and let's go!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
