I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
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I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
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Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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