Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
