is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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