Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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