so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize