why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My penis needs a shock collar
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
