There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
