Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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