Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
