so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
