He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
