Can Purell be used as lube?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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