I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
