how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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