my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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