I faked an abortion last night.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Found your dick twin last night
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
