Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
