shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
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I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What drink are we having for lunch?
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My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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