I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
