If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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