DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
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Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
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Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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