i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
