I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
