my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
50% drunk capacity currently
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
