Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
