You made me cry and you don't even care
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
