You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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