I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
