Kiss
Puke
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
